and as I type this at night, like I try to do, when all my lovebugs are fast asleep...
I looked through the pictures from this day....and I saw the pictures of me with my dad that day...and my heart just kind of felt like it fell to the floor.
As I look and see the twinkle in his eyes, the huge smile on his face, and I can just hear his laughter in my mind...
I fight back tears...I fight back more than tears, it feels like I fight back a flood...
One thing I learned, that is hard, is when you go through losing a loved one...it's really hard if you get hit with those feelings at night.
More than once, I have been crying so much, and no one else is awake to call or talk to...
and I reach out to the very one I should have called on first, I pray to God, to comfort and strengthen my heart.
Oh, my Ellie was so small on this day. And I hope I didn't bum anyone out by reading this...but I do hope that if anyone has lost a loved one and is hurting, that you know you're not on this path alone. We all may look like we are fine and happy when people see us at the store, or pumping gas, or whatever...no one knows the heartache that is behind the smile...
But that SMILE, that keeps smiling, even when their heart is hurting....oh the beauty of the love in the eyes of that smile! It shows your strength- the strength to smile when you're heart is hurting is something many people aren't strong enough to do! So I cheer you on!
Keep smiling today, and even give an extra smile away...because you never know what person you see, that might look like they are just fine....and you have NO IDEA...how much that smile means to their hurting heart....
and to that little old man, that smiled at me and said "you've got no choice other than to have a great day", at the post office, one day when my heart was barely hanging on....thank you. Thank you for being an angel in my day, Mr. Kind Stranger.
extra smiles, kandee