(i took this picture from the window of a plane...I love how the rays of the sun are shining down through the clouds...no matter what storm clouds are in your life...the sun is always there right above the clouds, waiting to shine rays of hope and happiness)
...I always think it's so funny when people think that I have this perfect life...my life is so far from perfect it hurts some days. I can't talk about all the things that are hurting my heart that I deal with every day, but so much pain is in my heart some days.From difficult things in my life, relationship matters, worry about finances, taking care of all my babies...to moments where some depressing thoughts try to creep in.
EVERYONE FEELS THIS...you are NOT alone!
After leaving Disneyland for my birthday...I had to deal with a phone call that really made my heart just feel like it fell to the floor.
I could've easily let depression set up a "depression picnic" in my heart...but I didn't.
When I got home I wasn't feeling well.
Yesterday I was overwhelmed with the amount of work I had to do, I had a sea of pages and pages of emails to go through and many make-up job offers for me to get back to people about.
Then last night I got news that one of our family friends had died yesterday...
He not only lived an incredible life, so interesting and unbelievable that they had been working on making a movie about his life, but above all things he loved God more than anything and bravely told some of the toughest people about how God could change their lives and fill them with more hope and love than they've ever felt.
I will be sad that he is no longer on this Earth with his huge heart...
but I am so glad he is in Heaven with the Lord...out of all the extreme physical pain he was dealing with for years.
Life is full of hurdles of difficulty...
we will neve have a life free of problems and hurt.
But we can grow wisdom to deal with the problems...
and grow more grace, mercy, and larger hearts to deal with the pain.
You've probably heard the saying:
"you can grow bitter or you can grow better"...
Well, some of the most incredible people I've ever known are the ones who have been through the toughest things.
They didn't let life hard or painful things make them bitter...it actually made them better, develop more character and strength.
I couldn't get through anything without having God in my life...I asked the Lord to come into my heart when I was little...and he has been there to lift me up when I was down...
when life gets to be too much...
He says he will take all our troubles and pain and will fill our hearts with joy...
he will give us peace that doesn't make sense to the rest of the world in times of trouble and heartache.
Nothing else, no self help book no funny video, no picture of a kitten...could make my heart feel joy like what God can do. I just want everyone to know that asks me, "how are you so happy?"...to know the answer. It's the joy of the Lord in my heart, because my life is not perfect, and it's not my life that makes me happy...it's God.
I pray that if you are feeling alone, depressed, sad, hopeless, frustrated, hurt, that no one understands you, no one knows the hurt in your heart....
God knows...He made you, loves you, and knows you are amazing...
I stayed up til after 2 am trying to receive emails from people who said they needed to talk to me...
I am praying right now for one who didn't email me....
I pray you are still on this earth....I pray that God fills your heart with joy, that you feel what true love really feels like from God, who will never hurt you.
I pray for each one of you reading this...that God touches your heart in the most amazing way...that he lifts you up in spirit and in your heart and that you experience his love and joy. That is the only way that I have joy in my life!
Huge hugs...love and a big cozy blankie for your heart....your kandee
"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint" (Isaiah 40:31)
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13)
I love and care about everyone's hurting hearts so much....I just want you to know what has gotten my heart through and answer to everyone, what makes me happy!